You Become What You Keep Choosing

If you're an alcoholic, it's because you identify as one. You probably drink excessively and believe you have a disease.

But if you instead believe you just consumed alcohol for the pleasure of it yesterday but today you identify with a sober person, you can switch your default mode of thinking pretty quickly.

I think the only real way to become something is to embody the identity before the world gives you virtually any permission to claim it.

I don't mean this in some delusional “fake it till you make it” way.

At some point, you stop saying “I went for a run” and start saying “I’m a runner.”

You stop saying “I play drums for fun” and start saying “I’m a drummer.”

You stop saying “I wrote something” and start saying “I’m a writer.”

The difference isn't even skill. It just comes down to identity.

Ringo Starr and Pete Best are both drummers regardless of their skill, would you argue that one isn't?

Of course, there’s a little delusion in that. But I don’t think all delusion is bad. Some delusion is just future evidence arriving early.

And the best way to counteract the delusion is to look for past evidence.

Have you ever been disciplined before?

Have you ever gone weeks sober?

Have you ever written something honest?

Have you ever followed through on something when nobody was watching?

Then maybe the identity is not as fake as you think.

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot with habits too.

Bad habits don’t really get killed.

They get replaced by stronger rituals.

You don’t become sober by obsessing over alcohol all day. You become sober by identifying with the kind of person who doesn’t need it anymore.

And I’m not saying addiction is simple or that people can just think their way out of everything.

The point is that the stories we tell ourselves are powerful.

If you believe you are permanently broken, your behavior will usually organize itself around that belief.

But if you believe yesterday was something you did, not who you are, you give yourself a door.

That door is identity.